Sistas,

I read an article the other day by a seemingly intelligent, sophisticated black man. In his article, he questioned why black women found it so easy to have sex with men before getting to know them. He illustrated his experiences as examples of how black women didn't take the time to love themselves. They were more interested in the kind of car he drove and his occupation than becoming familiar with his character and his soul. Once the women felt or heard what they wanted to hear, falling into bed was relatively easy. Many questions about the single black woman plagued this gentleman, and as I continued to read the article, I couldn't help but agree with many of his points. 

Often we think that promiscuous sex will help to take the sting of loneliness away, but in essence, it only prolongs the loneliness even more. It buys us a little more time to escape the emotional pain of dealing with our fears and insecurities.  The road to finding the truth of who we are is one less traveled.  It is often a long and sometimes agonizing journey, but travel it we must, because the alternative is an existence void of truth, purpose, and love.

The goal for most of us is universal.  It is to summon a healthy and deep reservoir of unconditional love for our creator, ourselves, and others.  We will never see ourselves as precious pearls worth waiting for, if we are not willing to extend that same patience to the work of our own souls.

When I was growing up, there was love from strong women of God all around me, women who taught me how to be a survivor. I was taught to be independent, and never to depend solely on one person for anything.  My real-life guardian angels were preparing me to be self-sufficient in the wait.  They wanted me to know how to take care of my household, so that I would not do what they shunned the most, “shacking up”. 

Although a few aspects of my “self-sufficency” lessons were flawed, I am so incredibly grateful that most of them were built on a solid foundation of faith and belief in the Word of God. I made mistakes along the way, but I’m thankful that I had enough sense to see the errors of my ways and make some changes.  Today, I’m single, saved, and secure.  It isn’t my intention to wait year after year for Mr. Right, but to continue to condition my mind, heart, and soul so that very soon, I will begin a new chapter of my life as a devoted and Godly wife. 

With every breath, I am attracting someone who equals my capacity to love.  How do I know that? Because I honor my relationship with God, and I know He is faithful to reward that commitment. Celibacy is a state of mind, a state of being, a decision made to honor oneself and one’s relationship with God.  It is a vow that I have made, and one that I hope all single Christians will make. Sometimes I hear the question, "Girl how in the world do you do it". Of course, there are days when I ask myself, "Lord how much longer do I have to wait", but the answer is never far from me. I would rather wait a lifetime than cast my pearls to someone undeserving.

Sex with any man other than your husband is one of the greatest tricks from  hell. The act alone sets you back in ways you can't even imagine.  You probably won’t realize the impact of it until you witness blessings begin to pass you by.   

Even if we didn't have anyone to personally teach us how to treat ourselves, we can always learn from the experiences of others.  I look forward to getting married again, sharing my life with a man who understands my worth, and I hope you do as well. I encourage you to take the time to get to know yourself and to love the person staring back at you in the mirror.  Don't be another notch on someone’s belt. Before you even consider a relationship, be sure that you are well acquainted with your inner treasure.  How we treat our bodies reflects the deep beliefs of how we truly view ourselves.  Your body is a gift from God, a treasure, a beautiful vessel that is well worth the wait, no matter the cost.

Blessings,
KIM