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Sistas,
I read an article the other
day by a seemingly intelligent, sophisticated black man. In his article,
he questioned why black women found it so easy to have sex with men
before getting to know them. He illustrated his experiences as examples
of how black women didn't take the time to love themselves. They were
more interested in the kind of car he drove and his occupation than
becoming familiar with his character and his soul. Once the women felt
or heard what they wanted to hear, falling into bed was relatively easy.
Many questions about the single black woman plagued this gentleman, and
as I continued to read the article, I couldn't help but agree with many
of his points.
Often we think that
promiscuous sex will help to take the sting of loneliness away, but in
essence, it only prolongs the loneliness even more. It buys us a little
more time to escape the emotional pain of dealing with our fears and
insecurities. The road to finding the truth of who we are is one less
traveled. It is often a long and sometimes agonizing journey, but
travel it we must, because the alternative is an existence void of
truth, purpose, and love.
The goal for most of us is
universal. It is to summon a healthy and deep reservoir of
unconditional love for our creator, ourselves, and others. We will
never see ourselves as precious pearls worth waiting for, if we are not
willing to extend that same patience to the work of our own souls.
When I was growing up, there
was love from strong women of God all around me, women who taught me how
to be a survivor. I was taught to be independent, and never to depend
solely on one person for anything. My real-life guardian angels were
preparing me to be self-sufficient in the wait. They wanted me to know
how to take care of my household, so that I would not do what they
shunned the most, “shacking up”.
Although a few aspects of my
“self-sufficency” lessons were flawed, I am so incredibly grateful that
most of them were built on a solid foundation of faith and belief in the
Word of God. I made mistakes along the way, but I’m thankful that I had
enough sense to see the errors of my ways and make some changes.
Today, I’m single, saved, and secure. It isn’t my intention to wait
year after year for Mr. Right, but to continue to condition my mind,
heart, and soul so that very soon, I will begin a new chapter of my life
as a devoted and Godly wife.
With every breath, I am attracting someone who equals my capacity to
love. How do I know that? Because I honor my relationship with
God, and I know He is faithful to reward that commitment. Celibacy is a
state of mind, a state of being, a decision made to honor oneself and
one’s relationship with God. It is a vow that I have made, and one that
I hope all single Christians will make. Sometimes I hear the question, "Girl
how in the world do you do it". Of course, there are days when I ask
myself, "Lord how much longer do I have to wait", but the answer
is never far from me. I would rather wait a lifetime than cast my pearls
to someone undeserving.
Sex with any man other than
your husband is one of the greatest tricks from hell. The act alone
sets you back in ways you can't even imagine. You probably won’t
realize the impact of it until you witness blessings begin to pass you
by.
Even if we didn't have anyone
to personally teach us how to treat ourselves, we can always learn from
the experiences of others. I look forward to getting
married again, sharing my life with a man who understands my worth, and
I hope you do as well. I encourage you to take the
time to get to know yourself and to love the person staring back at you
in the mirror. Don't be another notch on someone’s belt.
Before you even consider a relationship, be
sure that you are well acquainted with your inner treasure. How we treat our bodies reflects the deep beliefs of
how we truly view ourselves. Your body is a gift from God, a treasure,
a beautiful vessel that is well worth the wait, no matter the cost.
Blessings, KIM |