When His Attention Starts to Mean More Than God’s Approval
There’s a certain kind of attention from a man that can have a sista smiling at her phone before she even reads the message. You know what I’m talking about. He’s thoughtful, he’s consistent, and he seems genuinely interested in getting to know you. You don’t have to chase him down or wonder when you’re going to hear from him again. And if you’ve spent any amount of time dealing with men who couldn’t seem to make up their minds about what they wanted, you can appreciate one who doesn’t leave you guessing.
But here’s something I’ve learned about attention. It can feel so good that we stop paying attention to what it’s doing to us.
A woman was talking recently about a man who’d been showing her a great deal of interest. She was enjoying every minute of it, too. Nothing wrong with that. But something else came out of that conversation that I found far more interesting than the romance. Before this man came along, she’d become so disappointed about not having a relationship that she’d started pulling away from church. Somewhere along the way, she’d decided that God had let her down.
I’m thinking to myself, now, hold on a minute.
We’re talking about a woman who knows the Lord, who understands the importance of having a relationship with Him, but who had allowed her disappointment over not having a man to interfere with that relationship. And now that a man was showing up and doing all the things she’d hoped for, she was feeling better.
But what happens if he stops calling? What happens if his feelings change, or she discovers that he’s not the man she thought he was? Is she going to be disappointed with God all over again?
See, that’s what concerns me. Not that she wants to be loved. Not that she’s enjoying being pursued. But that her peace with God seems to rise and fall according to what’s happening with a man.
And that’s a dangerous place to put ourselves, because no human being was ever meant to have that kind of influence over our relationship with Jesus Christ.
Getting too caught up in a relationship is one of the costliest mistakes a woman of God can make. We need continual head and heart checks on this one, because the enemy will take advantage of any opening we give him. We can’t become so preoccupied with what a man is doing, how he feels about us, or where the relationship is headed that our commitment to the Lord slowly slips into second place. That’s a mistake we don’t want to make because the consequences can stay with us a very long time. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a man’s company and appreciating his affection, but when the excitement of being wanted begins to interfere with our good judgment, we’re working against our own spiritual well-being.
What’s that piece of foundational wisdom we keep coming back too—Proverbs 4:23 (NLT). It tells us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Guarding your heart doesn’t mean building a wall around it so high that nobody can get in. It means being mindful of what you’re allowing to influence your thoughts, your emotions, and your decisions. And while we’re talking about strong foundations, let’s remember what Jesus said in Matthew 7:24–25 about the wise person who built his house on solid rock. The storms came, the winds blew, and the rain beat against that house, but it didn’t collapse. Why? Because its foundation was secure. That’s the kind of stability we need in our relationship with Jesus Christ, whether we’re single, dating, engaged, or married.
So, enjoy getting to know someone. Laugh together, appreciate his thoughtfulness, and allow the relationship to develop without feeling that every pleasant moment needs to be analyzed. But don’t become so fascinated with being pursued that you lose sight of the woman you’re becoming in Christ. A man can be a wonderful addition to your life, but he cannot become the foundation upon which you stand. And if his attention begins to fade, or the relationship doesn’t work out, you may have some tears to shed and some disappointment to work through. That’s part of being human. But what you don’t want is to find yourself questioning God’s goodness because a man changed his mind. Jesus Christ was faithful to you before that man knew your name, and He’ll still be faithful long after the excitement of being pursued has settled down. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Strong Foundation”, written by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
