Chemistry can be powerful. You meet someone, you enjoy being around them, you can talk for hours, and there is an attraction that feels natural. You may feel like you have known them forever. There is nothing wrong with having chemistry with someone, but we have to be careful about what we allow those feelings to tell us. Chemistry can tell you that you are attracted to someone. It can tell you that you enjoy their personality and feel comfortable around them. But chemistry cannot tell you whether someone has the character to build a Christ-centered marriage with you. Feelings can be real and still not tell the whole story. This is one reason we cannot allow how we feel about someone to become our only way of deciding whether we should marry them. We also need to seek God and allow Him to show us whether the relationship we desire is one He wants for our lives.
Sometimes we can become so caught up in how someone makes us feel that we stop paying attention to what God may be showing us. We may see the good qualities, the attraction, the attention, and the excitement of being with them, while overlooking things that should concern us. Maybe their relationship with God is inconsistent. Maybe they don’t respect boundaries. Maybe they are controlling, dishonest, or emotionally unhealthy. We can notice these things and still make excuses because the chemistry is strong.
Paul prayed in Philippians 1:9–10 (NLT), “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.” Love does not require us to ignore what we see. As we grow in Christ, we should also grow in our ability to discern what really matters.
Marriage is not built on chemistry alone. There will be days when you don’t feel butterflies. There will be disagreements, disappointments, responsibilities, and difficult seasons. What carries a marriage through those moments is not simply how strongly two people are attracted to each other. Character, commitment, faith, wisdom, and the ability to love according to God’s Word matter.
Proverbs 3:5 (NLT) says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” That applies to relationships too. We can be convinced that we know what is best because of how we feel, but God sees what we cannot see. Sometimes we are asking God to confirm what we have already decided instead of asking Him to lead us. If we really want God’s Will for our lives and relationships, we have to be willing to let Him show us something we may not want to see. That means slowing down enough to pray, pay attention, and allow God to lead instead of rushing because the relationship feels good.
First Samuel 16:7 (NLT) reminds us that “people judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” We can see what someone wants us to see, but God sees the heart. He sees their character when nobody is watching. He sees how they handle temptation, how they treat people who cannot do anything for them, how they respond when they are angry, and whether their private life matches their public faith. This is why you cannot make a marriage decision based only on what someone says or how they make you feel. Take the time to watch their life. Listen to what they say but pay attention to what they consistently do. A person can say all the right things and still not have the character needed for marriage. So we may not be able to see the heart the way God does, but over time, what is in the heart will show up in the fruit a person produces.
This doesn’t mean you are looking for a perfect person. There isn’t one. But there is a difference between recognizing someone’s weaknesses and repeatedly overlooking patterns that reveal dishonesty, lack of self-control, disrespect, spiritual indifference, or unwillingness to change.
Ask God for confirmation, but also make sure you understand what confirmation actually looks like. Confirmation is not always a feeling of excitement or the fact that everything seems to fall into place. An open door does not automatically mean God opened it. Even circumstances we think are greenlights have to be weighed carefully. Everything falling into place does not automatically mean God is giving His approval.
When we strongly want something, it can be easy to interpret ordinary events as signs from God. We bumped into each other again. He called right after I prayed. We both like the same Scripture. My friend said we’d make a cute couple. Everything keeps lining up. Whatever we believe is confirmation should agree with God’s Word and never require us to excuse sin, ignore wisdom, or overlook what God has already allowed us to see. Often confirmation comes through wisdom, Scripture, godly counsel, circumstances, and what God reveals about a person’s character over time.
1Thessalonians 5:21 (NLT) tells us, “Test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good.” We should be willing to test what we are feeling instead of automatically trusting every emotion. Ask yourself: Am I becoming more obedient to Christ in this relationship, or am I compromising things I once believed mattered? Do I have peace because I have sought God, or because I am getting what I want? Can we pray together? Do we agree about the kind of marriage we want to build? Is this person willing to submit their life to Christ? Are there things I am ignoring because I don’t want to lose the relationship?
Chemistry may get your attention, but it cannot give you confirmation. Attraction may bring two people together, but it cannot sustain a marriage by itself. You need more than butterflies. You need a relationship that can stand on truth, character, faith, and a shared desire to honor God. Don’t be so afraid of losing a relationship that you stop listening to God. If you are asking Him to prepare you for a Christ-centered marriage, then allow Him to lead you—even when His answer doesn’t match what your feelings are telling you. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Chemistry Is Not the Same as Confirmation”, written by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
