Understanding the Union God Created Marriage to Be
When Jesus was questioned about marriage and divorce, He didn’t begin His answer with culture, personal happiness, compatibility, or even the circumstances surrounding a particular marriage. He took them all the way back to the beginning.
Matthew 19:4–6 (NLT) says, “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” 5 And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
Jesus takes us back to Genesis because God’s original design tells us something important about marriage: marriage creates a union. A husband and wife aren’t simply two people who have agreed to share a home, combine finances, raise children, or remain romantically committed to one another. Scripture says the two become one.
That is much deeper than companionship.
Marriage Joins Two Lives
Before marriage, you are responsible before God for the life He has given you. You make decisions about your time, finances, priorities, relationships, responsibilities, and future. But marriage changes the way many of those decisions are made because another life has now been joined to yours.
That doesn’t mean a husband and wife lose their individuality. They remain two distinct people with different personalities, gifts, experiences, strengths, weaknesses, and responsibilities before God. Oneness doesn’t erase either person. But it does mean they can no longer live as though the other person’s life has nothing to do with their own.
1 Corinthians 7:33–34 (NLT) says, “But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” Paul explains that a married man is concerned about how to please his wife and a married woman about how to please her husband. Marriage introduces responsibilities that weren’t there before. Your decisions affect someone else. Your spending affects someone else. Your words, habits, priorities, faithfulness, and willingness to grow affect someone else.
That’s part of what makes marriage beautiful, but it is also part of what makes marriage serious.
Oneness Requires More Than Love
It is possible to love someone deeply and still be unprepared to build a life with him.
Dating can allow us to enjoy the parts of a relationship we like while maintaining considerable independence. Marriage brings lives together in ways dating doesn’t. Eventually, decisions have to be made together. Differences have to be worked through. Money has to be managed. Families have to be navigated. Responsibilities have to be divided. Expectations have to be discussed. And two people who may have spent years doing things their own way have to learn how to function as a unit.
That’s why preparation for marriage can’t be limited to asking, Do I love him?
Love matters. Attraction matters. Friendship matters. But if you’re seriously considering marriage, you also need to ask: Can we build together? Can we make decisions together? Can we disagree without trying to destroy each other? Can we tell one another the truth? Can we solve problems? Are we both willing to grow? And most importantly, are we both willing to submit our lives to Jesus Christ?
Oneness requires two people who are willing to learn how to live beyond themselves.
“What God Has Joined Together”
There is something else in Jesus’ words that we need to handle carefully.
Sometimes Christians speak about “what God has joined together” as though marriage proves that God personally selected two particular people for one another. We may hear someone say, “God joined us together,” meaning, God told me this was the person I was supposed to marry.
But that isn’t really the point Jesus was making.
Jesus was answering a question about the marriage covenant. He pointed to God’s creation of marriage and then emphasized the seriousness of the union: what God has joined together, let no one separate.
In other words, Jesus wasn’t giving us a formula for identifying a divinely selected soulmate. He was teaching us to respect what God established marriage to be.
It’s so important to understand this distinction before we get married, because God will not overstep our free will. Ultimately, each person has a choice to make.
You need wisdom. You need discernment. You need to pay attention to character. You need to listen when God shows you something you don’t want to see. And you shouldn’t assume that strong feelings, unusual circumstances, repeated coincidences, or even someone’s declaration that “God said you’re my wife” removes your responsibility to choose wisely.
Marriage is sacred. That is one of the reasons the decision about whom you marry deserves such careful discernment.
Oneness Doesn’t Mean Sameness
A healthy marriage doesn’t require two people to think exactly alike about everything.
You may have different temperaments. One of you may process decisions quickly while the other needs time. One may be naturally outgoing while the other prefers quiet. You may have different gifts, interests, backgrounds, and ways of approaching problems.
The goal isn’t to erase those differences. The goal is to learn how to bring two different people into agreement and unity under the Headship of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 2:2-4 (NLT) says, “Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” This passage gives us principles that reach far beyond marriage, but they certainly belong within it: being of one mind, loving one another, refusing selfish ambition, and considering the interests of others.
That kind of unity doesn’t happen because two people are perfectly compatible. It grows as two people learn humility, communication, patience, forgiveness, and submission to God.
And that takes us right back to preparation.
Prepare for the Union, Not Just the Wedding
If you hope to marry someday, don’t spend all your preparation thinking about finding the man.
Ask God to teach you how to become someone who can build a life with another person.
Learn how to communicate before marriage. Learn how to manage money. Learn how to apologize. Learn how to forgive. Learn how to hear correction without immediately becoming defensive. Learn how to establish healthy boundaries. Deal honestly with wounds and patterns that could follow you into marriage. And above everything else, learn how to submit your own Will to God.
Marriage will not eliminate selfishness, insecurity, fear, poor communication, unresolved hurt, or unhealthy habits. Two people bring those things into the marriage with them.
But neither should you imagine that you must become perfect before you marry. You won’t. The man you marry won’t either. The goal isn’t perfection. It is maturity, teachability, and a shared willingness to continue growing under Jesus Christ.
Know What You Are Choosing
There is a reason Jesus’ words carry such weight.
Marriage isn’t simply saying, I choose you today.
It is entering a covenant in which two lives are joined together. That is why the person you choose matters. That is why character matters. That is why shared faith matters. That is why discernment matters. And that is why spiritual preparation matters long before anyone walks down an aisle.
Before you ask whether someone could make you happy, ask whether the two of you can build a life that honors God.
Before you become captivated by the wedding, think about the union.
And before you say “I do,” understand what Jesus said God designed marriage to become: two lives, joined as one, learning to walk together under His authority. ■
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Preparing for marriage involves much more than finding the right person. It’s also about becoming spiritually mature, developing godly character, and gaining the wisdom to build a marriage that honors Jesus Christ. Whether you’re waiting on God’s timing, considering marriage, or seeking a deeper understanding of His design, there’s always more to learn. Visit our Marriage Preparation Center for Scripture-based teachings and practical guidance to help you prepare your heart, strengthen your discernment, and approach marriage with greater wisdom and understanding.
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Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
“What God Has Joined Together”, written by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to encouraging and inspiring Christian Women to live boldly through God’s Word.
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