Building Your Marriage Under the Headship of Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ Must Be More Than Someone You Include in Your Marriage

A Christian marriage isn’t Christ-centered simply because two believers get married, attend church together, or pray before dinner. Jesus Christ must be the Head of the marriage, and that means both husband and wife are accountable to Him for the way they live and treat one another. Ephesians 5:21 (NLT) tells us, “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s an important foundation because marriage brings together two people with different personalities, experiences, habits, and expectations. There will be times when those differences challenge both spouses, and it’s during those times that their submission to Christ becomes especially important. Let’s look at three practical areas where His authority should govern the marriage.

Making Decisions Under Christ’s Authority

One of the first places this becomes evident is in decision-making. Marriage involves shared responsibilities, and decisions about finances, careers, children, household matters, and future plans affect both people. Suppose a husband decides to make a major purchase without discussing it with his wife, or a wife makes commitments that affect the household without considering her husband’s responsibilities. Neither is demonstrating the kind of partnership God desires. Being married doesn’t mean we lose our individuality, but it does mean we can no longer approach every decision as though we’re only responsible for ourselves. When Jesus Christ is Head, we must be willing to put aside selfishness and consider what is best for the marriage.

This is also where prayer and seeking God’s wisdom become so important. Proverbs 3:5–6 teaches us to trust in the Lord rather than depend on our own understanding and to seek His Will in everything we do. Sometimes one spouse may recognize something the other has overlooked. Instead of becoming defensive or insisting on having the final word, both should be willing to listen, examine their motives, and seek God’s direction. A husband shouldn’t feel threatened because his wife has wisdom to contribute, and a wife shouldn’t dismiss her husband’s concerns simply because she sees things differently. The goal isn’t to prove who is right. It’s to make decisions that honor God and strengthen the marriage.

Handling Disagreements in a Christlike Manner

Let’s be practical here. Two people can love Jesus Christ, love each other dearly, and still get on one another’s nerves! Marriage doesn’t eliminate disagreements, and spiritual maturity doesn’t mean we’ll always respond perfectly. There may be times when one spouse speaks harshly, becomes impatient, refuses to listen, or allows pride to get in the way of resolving a problem. James 1:19 (NLT) instructs us, “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” That’s good instruction for any relationship, but especially for marriage. When emotions are running high, we need to remember that being upset doesn’t give us permission to say whatever comes to mind.

And here’s something else we need to understand. We can’t claim to be submitted to Jesus Christ while refusing to acknowledge when our own behavior is wrong. If a husband has spoken unkindly to his wife, he should be willing to apologize and make things right. The same is true for a wife who has been disrespectful or dismissive toward her husband. Both must remain teachable, willing to forgive, and willing to change where change is needed. Christ’s headship should never be used as an excuse for intimidation, manipulation, cruelty, or abuse. His authority calls us to love, humility, truth, and righteousness. Sometimes honoring Christ means admitting that we were wrong, even when we’d much rather explain why the other person started it!

Establishing Spiritual Priorities in the Home

A marriage under the headship of Jesus Christ also requires spiritual priorities. It’s wonderful when a husband and wife attend church, study Scripture, and pray together, but their commitment to Christ must extend beyond those activities. God’s Word should influence how they manage their finances, raise their children, treat family members, spend their time, and fulfill their responsibilities. Colossians 3:17 (NLT) tells us, “And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” That includes the ordinary responsibilities of marriage that may not seem particularly spiritual. How we conduct ourselves at home matters just as much as how we conduct ourselves at church.

Ephesians 5:23 (NLT) says, “For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.” This is God’s standard for how a husband is supposed to love his wife. And that’s not talking about lip service. It’s the kind of love that should be demonstrated through his conduct. Spiritual leadership isn’t about demanding respect, especially when it isn’t earned. It’s not about expecting everyone to follow instructions without question. The standard of love that God expects from a husband requires humility, sacrifice, faithfulness, and a willingness to lead by example. And the wife isn’t left out of this standard. She honors Christ through her love, wisdom, respect, and faithful partnership with her husband. Both of them should encourage one another’s spiritual growth, recognize the gifts God has placed in each other, and remain committed to doing His Will. A godly home isn’t built by one spouse carrying all the spiritual responsibility while the other simply goes along. Both must make their relationship with Jesus Christ their highest priority.

A Marriage That Reflects the Lordship of Jesus Christ

The truth is, no husband or wife will get everything right all the time. There will be mistakes, misunderstandings, disappointments, and occasions when both need to examine their hearts before God. But the beauty of a marriage under Christ’s headship is that neither spouse has to depend solely on personal strength or understanding to build a godly home. Jesus Christ provides the wisdom, direction, and spiritual strength we need as we continue growing in Him. When both husband and wife are willing to surrender their pride, obey God’s Word, and honor Him in their conduct toward one another, their marriage becomes a testimony of His love and transforming power. Jesus Christ isn’t simply someone we invite into our marriage when we need help. He is Lord, and His authority must govern the life we’re building together. ■

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“Building Your Marriage Under the Headship of Jesus Christ”, written by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to encouraging and inspiring Christian Women to live boldly through God’s Word.

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