The Bible doesn’t give us a step-by-step guide called “How to Date,” but it does give us God’s wisdom for how we are supposed to live. That means dating isn’t something we have to figure out without Him. God cares about how we handle every part of our lives, including how we choose the person we may eventually marry. The problem is, sometimes we know exactly what we want but have no real idea how to get there. We want marriage. We pray for marriage. We may even believe we’re ready for marriage. But somewhere in all of that, we have to stop and ask ourselves a harder question: Am I dating in a way that is actually moving me toward the kind of marriage I’m praying for?
I’m Dating With a Purpose
Most women will tell you they’re dating because they hope to find a relationship that eventually leads to marriage. Nothing wrong with that. But saying you’re dating with a purpose and actually dating with a purpose are two different things. Sometimes we get so excited because somebody finally seems interested that we start emotionally investing before we’ve taken the time to see who this person really is. We’re already imagining where this could go while the relationship is still trying to show us what it is. That’s where we have to slow ourselves down. Marriage is too important to make decisions based only on how somebody makes us feel. Before we start building a future in our heads, we need to give the relationship enough time to show us whether this person is actually somebody we should be building a future with.
The More You Crave, the Harder You Fall
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, wanting companionship, or wanting to get married. The problem is what can happen when we want it so badly that we stop letting God lead us. Psalm 143:8 (NLT) says, “Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.” That’s the posture we need when we’re dating. Not, “God, I really want this man, please make him the one,” but “Lord, show me where to walk.” Those are two very different prayers.
When the desire for a relationship gets stronger than our desire to follow God, we can start making excuses, overlooking things we shouldn’t overlook, and attaching our hearts to somebody before we’ve really seen who they are. We don’t need to be afraid of wanting love. We just have to make sure our desire for it never becomes bigger than our desire for God.
A Healthy Relationship Begins With a Heart Rooted in Christ
Before we start looking for somebody to complete our lives, we need to take a good look at where we’re rooted. Colossians 2:7 (NLT) says, “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught.” That “him” is Jesus. He is supposed to be the foundation, not the man we hope will come along. A healthy heart doesn’t mean you have everything figured out or that you’ve never been hurt. It means you’re allowing Jesus to work on you while you’re waiting, while you’re dating, and even when dating doesn’t go the way you hoped. Because if your heart is looking to another person to give you the identity, security, peace, or worth that only Christ can give, you’re asking a relationship to carry something it was never created to carry. Let your identity and security be rooted in Jesus before asking another person to share your life.
Getting there doesn’t mean finding a man and doing everything you can to make the relationship work. It means paying attention to what the relationship is actually showing you. Is this person’s life pointing toward Christ, or are you constantly making excuses for behavior that concerns you? Can you talk about faith, values, the future, and the hard stuff without feeling like you have to shrink yourself to keep the relationship going? Are you becoming more like Christ as you spend time together, or are you slowly becoming somebody you don’t recognize? Jesus said in Matthew 7:16 (NLT), “You can identify them by their fruit.” Jesus was speaking about false prophets, but the principle is one we can’t afford to ignore when we’re discerning someone’s character. Pay attention to the fruit. Don’t let what you hope a relationship will become keep you from seeing what it is right now.
Maybe the real question isn’t just, “How do I get there?” Maybe it’s, “Am I willing to let Jesus lead me there?” Because marriage is not something we need to force, chase, or make happen on our own. There will be times when we don’t understand why we’re still single, why a relationship ended, or why the person we hoped would be “the one” wasn’t. That’s where our faith has to come out shining like gold.
We can want marriage, but we still have to trust God with all the details, especially the timing. We can date with purpose without trying to control the outcome. And we can walk away from what isn’t right without believing we just lost our only chance at love. If Jesus is truly leading us, then we don’t have to figure out every step before we take it. We just have to be willing to follow Him. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“How Do I Get There?”, written by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
