Before You Decide What You Want Marriage to Be, Learn What God Created It to Be
There’s something about the thought of getting married that can send a woman’s imagination into overdrive. We think about having a husband who loves us, building a beautiful home together, raising children, and sharing our lives with someone who will be there through thick and thin. And listen, those are wonderful things to look forward to! But somewhere between dreaming about the life we want and preparing for the marriage we hope to have, there’s something we can’t afford to overlook. Marriage was God’s idea, not ours. And before we start deciding what we want it to look like, we need to understand what Heavenly Father had in mind when He established it.
Genesis 2:18 (NLT) tells us, “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.’” Now, that word helper has caused more than a few misunderstandings over the years. Some have taken it to mean that a wife is supposed to be little more than an assistant to her husband, carrying out his wishes and putting her own thoughts and needs aside. But that’s not what God was establishing. He created woman with dignity, intelligence, abilities, and purpose of her own. She was created to stand alongside her husband as a suitable partner, not to become a lesser version of herself once she married him. Marriage brings two people together in a covenant where both have responsibilities before God, and both are accountable for how they treat one another.
Understanding the Covenant You’re Preparing to Enter
One of the things we need to understand about marriage is that it requires far more than two people being in love. Feelings are wonderful, but they can change from one day to the next. Anybody who’s been married for a while can tell you that! There will be disagreements, disappointments, and occasions when neither person is particularly pleased with the other. That’s why marriage cannot be built on feelings alone. In Matthew 19:6 (NLT), Jesus Christ teaches that husband and wife are no longer two but one, and that what God has joined together should not be separated. That’s covenant language. It speaks to the seriousness of the commitment, the faithfulness it requires, and the responsibility both people have to honor what they’ve entered. It doesn’t mean overlooking abuse or accepting mistreatment in the name of keeping a marriage together. God’s design for marriage was never an invitation for one person to misuse or oppress the other.
And since we’re talking about God’s design, we need to talk about His order as well. Ephesians 5:21 (NLT) says, “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The instructions that follow address the responsibilities of both husbands and wives. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and wives are instructed to respect their husbands. Now, we can’t take one part of that teaching, build an entire marriage around it, and conveniently ignore everything else. A husband doesn’t get to demand respect while behaving in ways that dishonor his wife, and a wife shouldn’t think that marriage releases her from the responsibility of walking in love, wisdom, and godly character. Both belong to Jesus Christ, and both must answer to Him. His authority should govern their conduct, their decisions, and the way they care for one another.
Let God’s Word Shape Your Expectations
So, before you begin making plans for the kind of marriage you want, spend some time learning what Heavenly Father expects of the people who enter it. Ask yourself whether your understanding of marriage has been shaped more by Scripture or by the things you’ve seen, heard, and experienced. Are you expecting a husband to fulfill needs that only Jesus Christ can satisfy? Do you understand what it means to be a faithful, loving, and spiritually mature partner? And are you willing to examine some of your own attitudes and expectations before asking another person to share his life with you? These are questions that deserve our attention.
Marriage is a beautiful gift, but it isn’t something we should enter with our eyes closed and our understanding half-developed. God has given us His Word, and we would do well to study it before making one of the most important commitments of our lives. The more we understand His design, the better prepared we’ll be to recognize a relationship that honors Him, and we can contribute to a marriage where Jesus Christ is truly Lord.■
Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
“Know God’s Design for Marriage”, written by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to encouraging and inspiring Christian Women to live boldly through God’s Word.
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