These days, plenty of folks think that it’s more important to be sensitive or compassionate than truthful. It can be a pretty difficult balancing act, and sometimes we’re in a position where we’ve hurt someone’s feelings by speaking the truth, and we didn’t even know it. All of us, in general, simply don’t have the kind of tough skin that was once common place. Some people think this is a good thing, and others not so much. The one thing that rings true is that women have still essentially cornered the market when it comes to sensitivity. On a whole, I’d say that we’re more likely to curb what we do and say for the sake of sparing someone’s feelings. Our male counterparts, on the other hand, seem to still have some significant room to grow in this area; particularly when it comes to getting a relationship off the ground or taking it to the next level.
We’ve all heard it said that kids say the darndest things, but some would argue that their husbands or boyfriends take the cake on this one. At some point in our single lives, most of us have imagined how tender and loving it is to hear our future husbands or boyfriends say the words we’ve always wanted to hear. We rarely think about how we’d feel in a relationship where these words are hardly ever spoken, or when they are spoken, it’s not quite what we imagined. It can be a really hurtful disappointment, and we can’t turn a blind eye to this reality, because many women find themselves in this position.
As unromantic as it is to say, on some of this stuff, we’ve just got to cut them some slack. To put it bluntly, some men-folk have a difficult time expressing how they truly feel, and not only this; sometimes the craziest things come out of their mouths. We may need to pause and be more understanding when the intention isn’t to hurt, but to be truthful. Proverbs 27:5-6(NIV) gives us some wonderful wisdom when it comes to taking it on the chin. It says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” In other words, sometimes the person that loves you, or who would like to, might say something that stings; but their honesty and realness is more valuable than the hurt you might experience.
I have girlfriends that have ended budding relationships because they were so deeply offended by an off-comment or a truth spoken too frank for their taste. We have to consider that when a man is uncouth in some of his mannerisms and speech, sometimes it doesn’t mean that his heart is lacking. It could mean that he’s never had someone in his life that cares enough to school him or to make him want to be his best.
God didn’t keep it a secret that an important part of our womanhood is to be helpful to those Heavenly Father has placed in our lives. Nothing happens by happenstance; all of our acquaintances are important to our walk in Christ. We have an opportunity to leave an imprint of the Father’s love on every person that comes across our path. There can be no question in our minds that the right man will respond to the love of God that is in our hearts. And yes, there are bumps along the way, and sometimes they are significant, but we can never forget that our responsibility to be obedient to God overrides everything else.
There’s another old saying, “They’ll be ok once the swelling goes down.” It’s one of the many southern colloquialisms that’s so to the point, you can’t help but smile and shake your head. It’s said about a person whose feelings are hurt by a statement that just happens to be the truth. So the person will just have to deal with it, and when the soreness goes away, they’ll be just fine. We should take this one and put it in ‘need to remember’ file as we prepare for marital partnership in the future.
Words sometimes hurt, and when hurtful words are spoken by the person we’re interested in, it’s a double whammy. We may be taken aback, but we should be mature enough to respond in love and patience. That’s always going to be what the Father expects from us. We don’t have to necessarily hide our displeasure, but we need to temper it with an understanding that all of us are works in progress. If we’ll remember the patience that the Father has had with each of us, we might find that something quite nice can develop after the swelling goes down. ■
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
“Once the Swelling Goes Down”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2017. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.