They’ve got videos now that supposedly teach you how to walk in five and six inch heels. Every time I hear about one of them, I chuckle to myself. Used to be that I could cut a stride with the best of ‘em back in the day, but now…what? Staying vertical is extremely important, and a sister is looking out for them ankles. I’m not trying to fall, and the older you get, the more important avoiding a mishap becomes. But keeping it real, I’m not opposed to pulling out that special pair of high-heels I keep in a box in the back of my closet. With the right outfit on the right occasion, I’ll suffer a little bit, but it’s got to be worth it. Anything over an hour and the dogs be barking; my feet start to hurt, and all I can think about is giving them a rest. Those heels might be the right shoe for the occasion, but they’re the wrong fit for long-term comfort. This is sometimes true when it comes to our relationships.
My friend Gloria has been in a relationship for five years, and when I tell you she desperately wants to be married, trust, it’s an understatement. But here’s the thing about sister-girl, for all the years that she’s talked about her boo, she has never shared any of the details about their relationship—not even his name. And because we know that’s how she is, we’ve learned not to ask questions. Recently, and to my surprise, she shared a little bit, and because she did, I knew that she was hurting.
Gloria finally told this man how she truly feels about him, and after that, crickets! Hadn’t heard from him in months. She made the statement, “Love chose me, I didn’t choose love, and he just happen to be the man that I fell in love with.” She told him that she wanted to be the woman he chooses to marry. This is a situation that when it boils down to it, we will either believe what God’s Word says about love, or we’ll believe what we’ve seen in movies or on television.
God’s love is extraordinary. It gets expressed through us as we live by the example of Jesus Christ. 1John 4:16 (ESV) says, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” To come to know and believe God’s love isn’t a suggestion; it’s a must! When everything is said and done, the love we have for ourselves is an extension of the love we have for Him. The two go hand in hand. 1John 4:19 tells us that our ability to love at all exists because He first loved us. We couldn’t love ourselves if God didn’t love us. And because He loves us, He teaches us to love Him back.
Understanding this is critical, particularly when it comes to your desire to marry. It is important for us to comprehend, in the greatest way possible, that we cannot love another person beyond the level we believe ourselves to be loved. If you love God and love yourself, you will not emotionally invest in a man that does not assure you confidently of your worthiness to be his wife. Five years is just too long to wait for this kind of assurance, and you certainly shouldn’t have to ask for it.
Self-love and self-care is more than a spa-day and pedicure. There’s not a hint of arrogance or pride in it. Self-love is loving God through Christ with all that we have, and doing it with the understanding that loving Him is the same thing as loving ourselves. This is why Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:25 (ESV), “Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.” We don’t have to worry about these things because when we put God in the number one spot, He will take care of everything we need and then some.
So just as loving ourselves is an extension of our love for God, we will know the right fit for us because this man’s love will also be a reflection of God’s love for us. There are occasions where we may not love ourselves well because we haven’t yet learned to honor God’s love. In those instances, we might emotionally invest in a man that seems like the right fit, but he’s all wrong. We will outgrow him as our love for God expands. A sure indication that he’s the wrong one is feeling a need to prod him to make a commitment. Be confident that God loves you way better than this. ■
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
“Right Shoe, Wrong Fit”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.