If you’ve been single for years, odds are that you already know what your likes and dislikes are. You know what irritates you, and you know more about your tolerance level. But do you know what it will take to get out of your own way, so that the things that irritate you are not a stumbling block in your relationship? Couples that have been together for years are accustomed to each other’s ways and nuisances. Many of them have learned the hard way that pushing the wrong button too much can turn into patterns of resentment and complaining, and this can cause major damage to the intimacy a couple needs in order for the relationship to flourish.
1Corinthians 13:8 tells us that love will last forever! This is the kind of love we should be giving to our marital partners and they should be giving it to us, but we know this doesn’t always happen. The kind of love that 1Corinthians 13:8 is referring to is God’s kind of love. His requirement is that we toss out our assumptions and definitions of love, because our brand of love won’t cut it. Our brand of love is based on conditions. We put all kinds of restraints on it. The object of our affection has to be attractive, make a certain amount of money, have a good job, a car and so on. God’s brand of love is unconditional. He gave His only begotten Son as a sacrifice for our sins when we were at our worse.
2Timothy 2:13(NLT) tells us, “If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.” Our Heavenly Father loves us and keeps His promises even when we don’t love Him and don’t honor our commitment to Him. This is the love His Son, Jesus Christ, had for all people. We are all here on this planet to love this same way. We are commanded to have a heart filled with the love of Christ, and we certainly must have a Christ-kind of love for our spouses.
As single folks, sometimes our problem is that we don’t use our singledom to learn to love like Christ in the ways that are extremely important to marriage, so that we can begin our marital unions from a point of strength and not from a place of neediness. Heavenly Father’s expectation is that we will renew our minds to His Word, and He commands us to do so in Ephesians 4:23. To renew our minds is to check out the way we are currently thinking, speaking, and behaving. Then we are to stack that up against the way in which God says in His Word that we ought to be thinking, speaking, and behaving. If the two are not a match, we are commanded by Him to throw off our old way and put on His way. He tells us in Ephesians 4:22-24(NLT), “Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”
God commands us to let the Spirit have his way in our lives. Galatians 5:16 tells us to walk in the Spirit so that we will not be consumed with the pettiness and wayward desires of the flesh. By this, you and I can know that our little pet peeves can be surrendered and handled through Godliness when we let the Spirit lead and guide us. The world encourages us to indulge a temperament of complaining, superiority, and putting ourselves above others, but God commands us to let His love rule our every action.
Putting on God’s love in our hearts and minds is the glue for relationships. It’s a choice to let God’s way win out over our way. He told His people in Deuteronomy 11:26-28(NLT), “26 Look, today I am giving you the choice between a blessing and a curse! 27 You will be blessed if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today. 28 But you will be cursed if you reject the commands of the LORD your God and turn away from him and worship gods you have not known before.” God made it very clear that we have a choice when it comes to our actions. Either they are of His love or they aren’t. So many relationships are broken apart because negativity was allowed to grow and fester. Neither partner held themselves to the standard of God’s Word, and they grew apart. Don’t let this happen to your union. Ask the Lord if there are any pet peeves or things that you find annoying that you need to address and surrender. Be willing to get rid of them so that they will not hinder your blessing in any way. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Choice to Love or Be Annoyed”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.