Years ago, I had a conversation with a Christian man that had been married for over 10 years, but then he and his wife divorced. He was thinking of starting to date again, but he and his ex-wife had struggled a lot with trying to hold the marriage together. We don’t always allow for the reality of how emotionally taxing a broken marriage is for the husband. Even though men may have a different way of processing and handling this, their grief and disappointment is just as real. So, getting back into the dating life was very challenging for him. He said he didn’t have confidence he’d meet a woman that would make him want to get married again.
In Biblical times, the concept of dating wasn’t relevant, so we’re not going to even see the word ‘dating’ in the bible, but this doesn’t mean that the Bible leaves the subject uncovered. Divorced or single, if the goal is to have a fulfilling relationship that will last, then dating is going to require a certain level of confidence and wisdom. My friend had once followed the faith devoutly, but lost his zeal over the years, and doesn’t seek God in all things. We shouldn’t make this mistake. God wants to be involved in every detail of our existences. Psalm 37:23(NLT) teaches us, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
For many of us, we’ve handled dating by leaving the Lord out of certain details, but this is costly. We end up making huge mistakes and pay for them in the marriage. This is the single biggest reason for ending up in relationships where we are ultimately devastated by the outcomes. 1 John 5:14-15 (NLT) affirms, “14 And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. 15 And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.” God hears us when we ask for blessings that please Him. This is wisdom! It allows us to know how important it is to ask for blessings that are in alignment with His plan for us, and therefore, in alignment with His Will.
Confidence always comes when we know that we’re doing things that please God. He hasn’t kept us in the dark about how to please Him. Hebrews 11:6(NLT) declares, “And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.” We can’t please God without having faith, and faith is right believing. It is believing what God says over believing anything else. Believing God in the right way means that our emotions are not in the control tower, taking over our decisions and actions. It means that we are not listening to what society says about dating, and we are not making our decisions based on the opinions of others. Right believing means that we are not leaning on our own understanding, but in ALL our ways, we’re acknowledging God, and allowing Him to direct our paths.
Right believing is believing, trusting, and being obedient to God’s Word. Romans 10:17(NLT) says, “So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.” When we hear God’s Word, we can know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it; all in accordance with what pleases the Father.
We’ve all heard horror stories that happen when one or both partners are injured in a tumultuous relationship, because neither person is spiritually mature in Christ. Rather than facing the reality that horrible things happen when we don’t cling to the standard of God’s love, people blame each other when the relationship fails. They don’t look at themselves and their level of faith honestly. When they are unwilling to be honest and seek God, they have a lot of fear about committing themselves again, like my friend. He doesn’t believe that marriage is necessary for him anymore, and there are many women out there that will make him comfortable in his assessment. There are women that will coddle him and satisfy his physical desires without a serious commitment.
If a man and a woman don’t see each other the way that God sees them, the breakdown in a relationship begins even before the commitment starts. It can’t last, because the glue of God’s love isn’t anchored in either person. When men and women don’t hold each other in the highest regard, they see each other very selfishly and fleshly. Without moral and spiritual integrity, they might use each other to satisfy motives that are dark and sinful. This leads to a path that ends in destruction and that’s not God’s Will for any person. Heavenly Father didn’t make a mistake when He created marriage. He created relationships to teach us about Him and His love. Our most treasured experiences and love encounters are birthed through spending our lives with a person that is significant to us.
Relationships are not playthings. And we must be clear that God is not playing with us when it comes to this subject. People mean the most to Him. He’s not going to be pleased when a man views a woman as someone that he can sleep with but doesn’t view her worthy of his most dedicated and fervent commitment. That’s not love, and it doesn’t meet God’s standard when either person thinks or behaves this way. My friend desperately needs to seek God. He needs to totally change his heart about relationships, so that he gets rid of the baggage of fear and wrong believing and learns to love himself and women through the example of Christ.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Relationships Are Not Playthings”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.