In Ephesians 4:32(NLT), God gives us His standard for how we must treat one another. He tells us, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” As women, we might find tenderheartedness a little bit easier to demonstrate than men. We are taught to be nurturers, and some would argue that nurturing is in our DNA, but even women are losing ground towards this standard. The reality is that the world can be a very cruel place, and although God commands us to be different from the world, not all Christians are nurturing, tenderhearted, and kind. It’s important that we know this, because as women desiring marriage, some of the men we meet haven’t been taught about God’s love, and many of us are not prepared to teach them about it.
This doesn’t mean that they aren’t nice, some are quite nice enough, but it’s possible to meet a man that doesn’t know how to be tender and giving, and he has never placed anyone’s well-being above his own. I think many women are quite shocked by the number of eligible bachelors who behave this way. There are large numbers of both men and women who are too entrenched in their ways to make room for another person. We must consider the reality that most people in society do not hold God’s Word as the authoritative revelation, and they have their own views on marriage, love, and physical intimacy. They are sadly misguided and need to seek God’s intention for relationships and for their lives.
Because we’ve moved so far away from God’s standard, as Godly women, acquainting a new person with God’s Word and love may be part of our assignment. This will require a tremendous amount of patience, discipline, and prayer. The man you meet may not be eager to hear the Gospel, but with the passage of time, he may in fact develop eagerness according to God’s destiny for him. This is why it is very wise for a woman not to jump to conclusions when she meets someone new. God must confirm all things, and we must wait on Him and not get ahead of His guidance.
Some of us are desperate to claim the spouse we’ve been praying to receive. When it looks like the new man’s interest is mutual, some of us take the reins and move very quickly to solidify the relationship. We don’t want to take the time to walk through the “friendship” stage as we hear from God about exactly what we’re dealing with. Instead, we go instantly into the monogamy of boyfriend-girlfriend in hopes of being spouses in the future. We don’t give God the time to work through us to be a Christ-kind of tenderhearted and kind. Instead, we place expectations on the man to demonstrate qualities he hasn’t yet cultivated. It’s possible that God will teach him through us, but we often make the mistake of moving so quickly from one stage to the next that we mess things up. And it’s all because we didn’t have a clue about God’s plan. It’s not old fashioned to wait on God, it’s wise. It’s obeying His commandment to seek Him first in all things and not lean on our own understanding.
The teachings of Jesus Christ reveal that an abundant life is cultivated by sharing God’s love, and we’ll find that life is meaningless without this. God’s love never fails. It is generous, patient, and kind. God’s love promotes justice and righteousness, and it is a love that will last forever. Modern society’s viewpoint is that anything goes. They want us to accept that people can do whatever they want and call it love, but that’s not God’s love; far from it. God’s love is the standard by which we are called to live a life of service to others and to Him. This isn’t some farfetched ideal. It is God’s commandment, and His blessings hang upon it. If neither person in a relationship knows this and is willing to be obedient, how can they have a marriage truly held together by the love of Christ?
Philippians 4:6(NLT) tells us, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Prayer is always the precursor to good choices and decisions, especially when it comes to significant relationships. Some women will say, “But I’ve been praying so long, and I still haven’t met my husband.” The amount of time and frequency that we spend praying about marriage before we meet the future spouse gives us an indication of how much prayer is required to make sure the marriage will last. Again, it’s about developing patience, discipline, and a hearty prayer life.
The truth is that some of us are not prepared to make the commitment that is required to maintain our relationship with God, and because we haven’t shown the patience, discipline, and prayer necessary, He knows we will not do it in a marriage. We’re not motivated to grow closer to God, many of us are just interested in the rewards. We must consider that a slight shift in our motivation and thinking may be necessary. God hears our prayers, and He is not withholding the blessing of marriage from anyone who wants it. Heavenly Father has designed blessings in such a way that they manifest when our believing is where it needs to be.
God’s desire is that we become the very image of His Son, Jesus Christ. Romans 8:29(NLT) tells us, “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” Most of us have underestimated the Father’s allegiance to His requirement in Romans 8:29. He is relentless to see us become who He created us to be, and He will not alter His plan for our lives. By this, you must be clear that the crown of matrimony must be worn long before you meet your spouse. You’re not a queen just because the man thinks so, or because you think so. We’re queens in God’s Kingdom when we measure up to the standard of Christ and represent him in all that we do.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Crown of Matrimony” written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!