The minds of many women are occupied with the question, “How do I make a man love me?” We want to know how to make him light up when we walk into a room and we want him to absolutely adore us. We desire the ultimate commitment from a man, and we want him to make us feel secure in his love and devotion. It’s the real love that we’re after. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes, we want him to be oozing over with a Christ-like manhood. When we’re sad, he will do anything within his power to make that sadness go away. When we’re working on a project, he’s all-hands-on-deck. We never have to beg him to spend time with us because he makes us feel that being in our company is the highlight of his day. He’s loyal to the end, and this is the man we want to love us. We want him prepared and prepackaged with the capacity to return the quality of love that we give him.
Facts
I went to college with women that had been pumped and primed by their mothers to marry a college man of a certain breeding. They were told what to do and what not to do, and many of them followed the rules to a tee. Their studies were second to landing the right man and securing a wedding date and marriage soon after college. Growing up, all of us probably learned some portion of a formula-based thinking about how to get a man. It might have been primarily focused on the man’s physical desires. We were told to do this or do that to secure his affection. The reality that no one schooled us about is this; the way you begin a relationship molds the quality of it. So, if it isn’t beginning with the love of God in our hearts, and we don’t renew our minds to His Word and fill our hearts with His love, that relationship has nowhere to go but down.
It’s a fact that objectifying men based on preconceived notions of who they are and what they like is just as horrible as objectifying women. The reality is that there’s no way to hold a relationship together when physical attraction is used as a net to capture and keep someone tied to it. That’s never a successful strategy.
Marriage was sanctioned by God in the very beginning. He established it for His purpose, and we can never forget this if we desire to marry well. Through the marital union, God provides for our needs, and when Jesus Christ is the head of that union, the couple and their family unit is blessed and unified. If we take marriage out of the holy and appointed purpose that God has set, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.
As women who desire to partner with a man in marriage, we are deserving of someone that is capable of giving all the love and devotion of which we, ourselves, are capable of giving. This is both the mindset and the heart required for starting a solid relationship, because it sets the stage for mutual respect and unity. We can’t afford to neglect the words of Jesus Christ in Luke 12:48(NLT), “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” So, out of respect and reverence for God’s institution of marriage and its purpose, we should never expect of someone more than we have proven willing to do and give ourselves.
God has equipped us through Christ to continually exceed the love of which we think ourselves capable. We should also understand that our personal commitment to pour into our spouses, to give, share, and serve them, is also a required mind-and-heart-set for God’s daughters. We should forever be willing to give and share at or above the level we expect to receive.
The right motivation
All human beings have needs, and all human beings that are capable of intelligent thought can perceive those needs mentally, emotionally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually. So, our needs are multi-faceted. As women, we should not expect men to be any different. Primarily, we all want to be loved. We want people in our lives that love and support us. Please be clear that God created us in such a way that His love, and the desire for it, is at the root of all our needs. This is basic for all human beings, but many deny it. Although they seek elsewhere to get their needs met, only God can fill our cups and make us fulfilled in life.
1John 4:8(NLT) clarifies any misunderstandings we might have about this. It says, “But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” God is our Creator, and He created us by, in, with, and through His love. He made us what He is, because Genesis 1:26-27 tells us that we were made in His image. So, we are made to both seek and give love, but not just any ol’ love. We’re created to seek and give God’s love.
Most people make the mistake of trying to separate God’s love from romantic love, but that is impossible. Romantic love is only possible through God’s love. So, don’t try to separate romantic or any other kind of love from the Creator who is love and created all that we survey. As God’s people, our love for God is the right motivation no matter what we might attempt to do. When our motivation isn’t to love God and share His brand of love, but to fulfill our own personal agendas, we run into problems and the blessings we seek escape us. This is where many single women are today. They want to find someone to love them, but do not have an intimate relationship with God, the Source of all love. Because of this, they can’t see the blessing even if it is standing right in front of them.
The power of love
God is love. He demonstrated His great love for us all when He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to give his life as a sacrifice for our sins. God’s love comes to live in us when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. The only way to have God’s love in our hearts is for Him to put it there through the new birth experience. The Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside us and gives us the desire to please God and love others. This is power, and without it, we are disappointed and defeated in our efforts.
We are incapable of making someone love us, and in truth, this is never something a child of God would have to do. 1John 4:16(NLT) tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” When God’s love is in us, we will want to please Him by loving others through Jesus Christ. Despite our differences and backgrounds, we are all created by God and programmed to love and to be drawn to love. It’s in us, and it is a very spiritual reality. Those who live in love are drawn to others who live in love as well, because God is in them.
Trying to make a man love us is like trying to fit a square peg into a round whole. It’s an unnatural thing to do. Obedience to God’s Word takes care of all our needs in life. Sometimes we forget that love is power, because God is love and all power is in His hands. You and I don’t have any power of our own. It all belongs to God. He’s demonstrated the power of His love through His Word. Because of His wonder working power, we’ve seen up-close and personal that love is the power that motivates, attracts, transforms, and changes things for the better. So, making the right man love you requires no effort from you at all. God will take care of every detail of your marital union when your heart is full of His love and your desire is to do His Will and put Him first in your life.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“How Do I Make A Man Love Me?”, written by Reverend Fran Mack. Edits by Kim Times and K. Stephens for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.