“Are you happy?” Jordan’s husband texted her while he was at work one evening. She’d been telling him for weeks how unappreciated she felt in their marriage, and he had taken her out for dinner the night before in hopes of beginning to turn things around. But truthfully, he wasn’t feeling great about things either. For a while, he had complained that she was always very snippy with him and has a short fuse. Jordan didn’t used to be this way, but the last year has been really tough. He’s afraid their marriage may not rebound because of her temperament and all the stress it continues to cause.
Disappointments, residual emotions from childhood trauma, and just being unhappy with life can cause irritability and anger. We can spiral in this condition, and we may not notice how much it is impacting those closest to us. Proverbs 21:9(NLT) says, “It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.” This wisdom in God’s Word has been relevant for thousands of years, and it shows us that God is very aware of the emotional issues that can harm a marriage. In general, life can be very stressful at times, and a wife can become quarrelsome for different reasons, especially if she feels she’s not being heard, but all is not lost. She can turn this around through her faith in God.
All kinds of things can set us off, trust issues, finances, problems with intimacy, poor communication, personality differences, behavioral issues with the kids; these and more can trigger us, making us feel that our needs are not being met. But we must know that none of these things make anger or quarreling a viable solution. Pulling back the layers usually reveals that we need to place greater focus and faith in our relationship with God through the example of Jesus Christ.
For some women, gloom hits them as soon as they open their eyes each morning, and marriage begins to feel like an additional weight. We can become frustrated before we brush our teeth, thinking about all the ways our yesterdays were miserable, and expecting the day in front of us to be much of the same. Many singles feel this way now, even without the husband, and if we don’t begin to use the tools and materials God has provided to work our way out of this, we will bring quarreling and anger into our future marriages.
Some of us don’t yell or scream but have mastered nice-nasty and have learned to sweetly manipulate, or to withdraw and withhold emotions as a way of punishing and getting our way. Things like this will lead us away from a happy marriage instead of closer to it. There’s a vulnerability to Christ that our hearts must yield to. We must be malleable to God as He works in us through His Holy Spirit. And we must be willing to let the Spirit open our hearts as we continually and genuinely pray for spiritual maturity and growth in Christ.
God expects us to respond to every aspect of life with the biblical practices Jesus Christ has taught us. Jesus tells us in John 14:6(NLT), “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” Jesus Christ is the way! He is the way to victory, love, unity, peace, understanding, compassion, patience, and every other good thing we can demonstrate and receive. We are never alone in our efforts to navigate singlehood, parenthood, or marriage. Jesus Christ has made the Holy Spirit available to us, and his power will work in our hearts and minds if we will let it.
The psalmist prayed in Psalm 51:10(KJV), “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” As singles, if we are in any way heading down a path that will lead us to be quarrelsome wives, the priority of our prayers should be that God will reveal this to us and help us to be renewed in our minds and hearts. We should pray that he will reveal any other behavior, attitude, or action we’re practicing that is keeping us from being the wife He wants us to be. As we spiritually prepare for marriage, we must remember that we shouldn’t depend on a man to make us happy. We’re setting the marriage up for failure when we do this. When we’re happy in Christ within ourselves, we have built the proper foundation and the husband will add to it. If we do the work of having an unshakable faith and joy in Christ, quarreling will take a back seat as we make a home of sweetness and peace.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Heart of a Quarrelsome Wife”, written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.■