Understanding the Woman You Are Before Sharing Your Life with Someone Else
1. Know Who You Are in Christ
Before you think about becoming a wife, it’s really important to have a good understanding of who you are without a husband. This isn’t about your career, your education, how much money you make, or how many people think there are that think you’re wonderful. Those things may tell us something about what you’ve accomplished, but they don’t tell the whole story of who you are. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) reminds us, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” That’s where our understanding of ourselves must begin.
Heavenly Father has given you worth, purpose, and an identity that doesn’t depend on whether someone chooses to marry you. A husband may become an important part of your life, but he should never become the person you depend on to tell you who you are.
2. Be Honest About Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Now, here’s where we need to take off the rose-colored glasses and have a little talk with ourselves. Most of us can name the qualities we want in a husband without giving it a second thought. We want someone who’s loving, patient, faithful, honest, dependable, and spiritually mature. Wonderful! But how many of those same qualities are we developing in ourselves? It’s easy to recognize somebody else’s shortcomings while making excuses for our own. Maybe you’re generous and compassionate, but you have a difficult time admitting when you’re wrong. Perhaps you’re dependable and hardworking, but you can be stubborn as all get-out when somebody challenges your thinking. Knowing yourself means being able to acknowledge your strengths without becoming prideful and recognize your weaknesses without allowing them to defeat you. We all have areas that need work, and the sooner we’re willing to face them, the more room we give the Holy Spirit to help us grow.
3. Understand Your Emotional Patterns
One of the things that can cause real problems in a marriage is entering it without understanding how we respond emotionally when life doesn’t go our way. Think about it. What happens when you’re disappointed? Do you communicate what’s bothering you, or do you shut down and expect the other person to figure it out? When someone corrects you, can you receive it without becoming defensive? And when you’re angry, do you know how to express yourself without saying things you’ll regret later? These are not small matters, because marriage brings two people together who won’t always think alike, feel alike, or agree on everything. Proverbs 16:32 (NLT) teaches, “Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.” That’s some serious wisdom! Getting married won’t automatically change the behaviors we’ve spent years practicing. We need to understand our emotional habits and allow the Holy Spirit to help us develop healthier ways of responding.
4. Know Your Values, Boundaries, and Expectations
There’s something else a woman needs to understand about herself before marriage, and that’s what she believes, what she values, and what she’s unwilling to compromise. You’d be surprised how easily some people abandon convictions they’ve held for years when someone comes along who makes their heart flutter. Suddenly, things that once mattered don’t seem quite so important anymore. There’s a difference between being willing to compromise over everyday preferences and compromising the principles that govern your life. You may be perfectly willing to adjust your plans, share responsibilities, or consider another person’s perspective. That’s part of building a life together. But you should never have to abandon your faith, surrender your dignity, or tolerate mistreatment to keep someone interested in you. Know what you believe before someone comes along and challenges it. And make sure your expectations are grounded in God’s Word rather than an imaginary picture of what marriage ought to be.
5. Become Comfortable with the Woman God Is Growing You to Be
Here’s something I wish more women understood. You don’t have to wait until you’re married to appreciate the life Heavenly Father has given you. There’s living to do, growing to experience, and plenty of opportunities to become a wiser, stronger, more loving woman right where you are. And no, that doesn’t mean you won’t have moments when you wish you had someone special to share your life with. That’s understandable. But don’t become so preoccupied with the woman you hope to be someday that you neglect the woman God is calling you to become today. Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) speaks of “growing in every way more and more like Christ.” That’s the kind of growth we should be pursuing, married or single. Take time to learn what brings out the best in you, what needs to change, and where Heavenly Father is leading you. Be willing to examine yourself, receive correction, and celebrate the progress you’ve made. Marriage may become part of your journey, but becoming more like Jesus Christ is the most important a calling of your life. ■
Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
“Know Yourself Before Becoming a Wife”, written by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to encouraging and inspiring Christian Women to live boldly through God’s Word.
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