Before You Say “I Do” Series
Before God Gives You a Marriage, He Prepares You for One
Before you ever say “I do” to another person, God desires your heart to remain surrendered to Him. Not because He is waiting for you to become perfect, but because He loves you enough to continue shaping you into the person He created you to be. The work God does in us is not a punishment. It is a reflection of His love. He does not reveal the places in our hearts that need healing so that He can shame us. He reveals them because we belong to Him, and He desires freedom for us.
Sometimes the very areas we want to avoid are the areas where God wants to bring the greatest healing. The walls we build to protect ourselves may have helped us survive difficult seasons, but God desires more than survival. He desires that we surrender those places to Him so He can continue His transforming work in our hearts.
And this is why forgiveness matters so deeply before marriage. The hurts we carry from our past can influence the way we love, trust, and respond to the person God brings into our lives. Before Heavenly Father joins us with someone else, He lovingly invites us to examine what we are carrying and ask, “Am I opening my heart to the work He wants to do, or am I closing the door because of what I have experienced?”
Romans 8:1 (NLT) reminds us: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” When God reveals something in our hearts that needs healing, it is not because He has turned away from us. It is because we belong to Him. His desire is not to shame us for the places where we struggle. He is lovingly leading us into the freedom that comes when we surrender those places completely to Him.
Forgiveness Begins With Understanding How Much We Have Been Forgiven
One of the hardest things about forgiveness is that our minds naturally stay focused on what someone did to us. We replay the hurt, the betrayal, the disappointment, and the words we wish had never been spoken. But Jesus gently redirects our attention to something greater—the forgiveness we have received through Him. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain wasn’t real or that what happened was acceptable. It means choosing to place the offense into God’s hands instead of carrying it any longer. We release it because we trust His justice, His wisdom, and His healing more than we trust our ability to hold onto the hurt.
In Colossians 3:13 (NLT), Paul reminds us, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” None of us deserved the mercy God extended to us through Jesus Christ, yet He gave it freely. When that truth settles deep into our hearts, forgiveness begins to look different. It is no longer a sign of weakness but a reflection of God’s grace at work within us, changing us to become more like Christ.
Unhealed Wounds Can Shape the Love You Bring Into Marriage
One of the greatest gifts you can give your future marriage is allowing Jesus Christ to heal the places that have been wounded. Hurt that goes unaddressed doesn’t simply disappear—it often follows us into new relationships. A betrayal can make us suspicious of someone who has been faithful. Rejection can make it difficult to receive genuine love. A future spouse should never have to spend years proving they aren’t the person who hurt us or carrying wounds they didn’t create. Jesus invites us to bring those places to Him because He wants to heal what pain has been shaping for far too long.
In Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT) Paul writes, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” God isn’t asking us to pretend the pain never happened. He’s inviting us to surrender it so it no longer has the final say over our hearts, our relationships, or the love we bring into marriage.
Forgiveness Opens the Heart to the Freedom God Desires
Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of surrender we can offer to God because it requires us to release what we naturally want to hold onto. We want people to understand how deeply they hurt us, acknowledge what they did, or make things right. But those things may never happen, and God never asked us to carry the burden of being the judge. He asks us to trust Him. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, returning to unhealthy situations, or allowing someone to continue harming us. It means placing the offense into God’s hands and allowing Him to heal the places pain has touched. In Matthew 6:14 (NLT) Jesus said, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.” Before God gives you a marriage, He prepares your heart—not by demanding perfection, but by inviting surrender. The deeper question isn’t simply, “Am I ready to get married?” It’s, “Lord, am I allowing You to continue Your work in me?” Because before you say “I do” to another person, God desires your heart to remain fully surrendered to Him. ■
Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
“Before You Say ‘I Do’ Series- Part 1: Learning Forgiveness Before Marriage”, written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to encouraging and inspiring Christian Women to live boldly through God’s Word.
