When You Have Never Been Married, But Still Desire Marriage
In 1 Corinthians 7:32–35 (NLT), Paul explains that there is a freedom available in singleness that should not be overlooked. Marriage is a blessing, but it also brings responsibilities that require a husband or wife to divide their attention between serving the Lord and caring for their spouse and household. A single believer doesn’t carry those same marital responsibilities, so they can make great use of that freedom and give more of their time, attention, and energy to God. Let’s not get confused here. Paul wasn’t diminishing marriage or suggesting that every believer should remain single. He said plainly, “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you.” His point was that whatever season we are in, we should recognize what that season makes possible and use it in a way that helps us “serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”
This can be a tough word for many of God’s single daughters who have never been married. They want to be married. They want somebody to share life with. They want someone to come home to, someone to talk to when the day has been hard, someone to make plans with, laugh with, pray with, and grow old with. There is nothing wrong with wanting marriage. Marriage is a good gift from God, and Scripture does not tell us that the desire to be married is somehow evidence of spiritual immaturity. But what happens when the desire for marriage becomes so strong that being single starts to feel like a punishment?
That is where we have to be willing to let God examine our hearts. A friend in the faith once expressed this struggle honestly. She had never been married and had begun to believe she never would be. In her mind, she wondered, “What could be wrong with me?” She loved the Lord, went to church, tried to live according to His Word, and had even remained celibate for many years. But underneath all of that was a question that can be uncomfortable to answer: Are you living right because you love God and want to please Him, or are you living right because you are hoping God will give you what you want?
What’s Your Answer?
I know that’s not an easy question. Some people will not even want to sit with it because they have already decided that they are doing enough. “I’ve gotten this far in life. I’m going to keep doing what I’ve always done. It’s worked before.” But following God is not about creating a list of things we do so we can convince ourselves that we are good with Him. We can develop habits around our lives that make us feel comfortable with our choices because, as far as we can tell, nobody is being hurt. But God looks deeper than our circumstances. He looks at the heart. He wants our obedience because we love Him, not because we are trying to get Him to give us something in return. There is a difference between saying, “Lord, I am obeying You because I trust You,” and saying, “Lord, I am obeying You, so now You owe me the thing I have been asking for.” That difference matters.
Being unmarried is not the end of the world, and it does not mean that something is wrong with you. It is also not a lesser position in the body of Christ. Paul actually gives unmarried women a beautiful perspective in 1 Corinthians 7. He explains that an unmarried woman has an opportunity to devote herself to the Lord without the responsibilities that come with marriage. That does not mean every unmarried woman is supposed to stay unmarried. Paul was not giving us a promise about anyone’s marital future. He was showing us that there is purpose in an unmarried life. Your life does not begin when a man enters it. God has already given you a life to live, work to do, people to love, things to learn, and a relationship with Him to cultivate.
Your Life Is Happening Now
We need to be reminded continually that life doesn’t stop because we haven’t met the man we’ll marry. Many of us declare that we know this, but we don’t always live like it. There are still decisions to make, places to go, people to encourage, gifts to develop, work to accomplish, and room to grow spiritually. Psalm 37:23–24 (NLT) says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” That means God is not absent from the years you spend unmarried. He is not waiting for your wedding day before He becomes interested in what happens to you. Heavenly Father may have work to do in you that has nothing to do with getting married.
So if you have never been married and you would still like to be, tell God the truth about that desire. You do not have to pretend you do not care. You can ask Him for a husband. You can tell Him that you are tired of being alone. You can admit that you do not understand why it has not happened yet. You can even cry about it. But while you are asking God for a husband, do not miss the God who is already with you.
James 4:8 (NLT) says, “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” That is not a promise that coming close to God will result in marriage. It is a promise of relationship with Him. And that relationship is not a consolation prize until something better comes along. God is not the One we settle for while waiting on the thing we really want. He is the One we were created to know.
There is nothing wrong with hoping to become a wife. But there is a problem when becoming a wife becomes more important than becoming the woman God is calling you to be. Marriage may be part of your future, or your life may unfold differently than you expected. Either way, you do not have to spend today grieving a future you cannot see. Give God your desire for marriage, but give Him your whole heart, too. Let Him have the years, the unanswered questions, the disappointments, the hopes, and the plans. If He brings a husband into your life, you will want to enter that marriage as a woman who already knows that her identity, security, and fulfillment come from Christ. And if the waiting continues, you will still have a life that is full of purpose. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“A Woman Who Has Never Been Married”, written by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
