Part 7: Building Your Marriage Under the Headship of Jesus Christ
Learn why understanding God’s design for covenant is essential before making one of the most important commitments of your life.
Jesus Christ Must Be Head of the Marriage
When we understand the weight of covenant and what marriage will require from two imperfect people, we begin to see why Jesus Christ can’t simply be someone we include in our marriage. He must be the head of it. A Christian marriage isn’t Christ-centered because two Christians got married, attend church together, or pray before dinner. Jesus Christ is head when both husband and wife recognize that they ultimately belong to Him and are accountable to Him for the way they live and the way they treat each other.
Ephesians 5:2 (NLT) tells us, “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Before we ever start talking about what a husband should do or what a wife should do, both people have to learn how to follow Jesus. When both are submitted to Him, He teaches them how to love beyond themselves.
And let me tell you, this is a big one, because marriage will reveal things about us that dating may never uncover. It is much easier to be patient when we can go home to separate places. It is easier to overlook habits when we aren’t living with them every day. It is easier to appear generous, thoughtful, and understanding when our lives, money, schedules, responsibilities, and decisions haven’t become intertwined. Marriage brings two whole lives together, and sometimes the places where those lives meet will create friction. That isn’t necessarily a sign that something is wrong with the marriage. Sometimes it is simply an opportunity for two people to grow. When Jesus Christ is head, we have somewhere higher than our own feelings to go when we disagree. We can ask, “Lord, what do You require of me here?” instead of only asking, “Why won’t this person act right and do what I want?”
And let’s not get confused here. Trying on partners to see how they fit by living together is not covenant living. Covenant doesn’t say, “Let’s live together and see if this works before we make the commitment.” Covenant makes the commitment before God and then learns how to build a life together within it. This is not to judge anyone. It’s to speak the truth about God’s design for marriage. It isn’t based on testing whether another person can fit comfortably into our lives. It is based on two people making a commitment before Him and learning, with Jesus Christ as Head, how to become one.
Covenant Should Never Be Used to Excuse Abuse
We also need to understand what covenant does not mean. Honoring the covenant of marriage does not mean God expects someone to quietly endure violence, cruelty, intimidation, coercion, or abuse. Covenant should never become a spiritual weapon used to keep someone trapped in harm. God does not give one spouse permission to mistreat the other simply because vows were exchanged. Marriage carries responsibility before God, and that responsibility includes how we treat the person He has entrusted to us. We can believe deeply in the sacredness of marriage while also being clear that abuse violates what God intended marriage to reflect.
Understand What You Are Saying Yes To
So before you say “I do,” understand what you are saying yes to. You are saying yes to much more than a wedding, a beautiful dress, a new last name, companionship, or finally having the husband you prayed for. You are saying yes to building a life with another imperfect human being while allowing God to continue His work in both of you. You are saying yes to learning how to forgive, communicate, sacrifice, serve, remain teachable, and love when love costs you something. You are saying yes to bringing your decisions, your expectations, your finances, your bodies, your plans, and your future before God together. That is a beautiful thing, but it is also a serious thing. We should know what we are entering before we enter it.
And maybe now we can see why God had us spend so much time preparing before we ever reached covenant. We talked about forgiveness because marriage will give us opportunities to forgive. We talked about self-control because marriage will require us to govern our words, emotions, and actions. We talked about surrender because we cannot build a godly marriage while insisting that everything happen our way. We talked about healing because wounds we refuse to address don’t disappear when we get married. We talked about discernment because choosing the person we enter covenant with matters. None of those lessons were separate from marriage preparation. They were preparing us for this sacred union.
Before you say “I do,” don’t only ask God to prepare the man you will marry. Ask Him to continue preparing you. Let Him teach you how to love. Let Him correct you, heal you, mature you, and show you the areas where you still need to grow. And when the time comes to stand before God and make that covenant, you won’t be standing there because you believe you have finally become the perfect woman or found the perfect man. Neither one exists. You will be standing there understanding that two imperfect people are making a serious commitment before a perfect God, and trusting Jesus Christ to remain the head of the life they are choosing to build together. ■
Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
“Before You Say ‘I Do’ Series- Part 7: Learning Discernment Before Marriage-PART 2”, written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times and KLizzie, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to encouraging and inspiring Christian Women to live boldly through God’s Word.
