Allen and Tiffany had a very rocky engagement, and most of their friends felt they weren’t ready for marriage. They thought they were. After dating six months, they got engaged, and never really seemed to enjoy being a couple. They frequently argued and there was very little they’d agree on. Both accused each other of always trying to get in the last word, and Tiffany was notorious with giving Allen the silent treatment. Each felt unheard by the other, and neither of them seemed willing to humble themselves towards compromise or reconciliation. The thing they had in common was stubbornness and the need to be right. Neither of them acknowledged their baggage or wanted to change their ways. Things got progressively worse between them, and they married each other anyway.
Amos 3:3 (NLT) says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is a pivotal question, and it leads to a very important piece of God’s wisdom. If followed, it can foster a successful and lasting marriage. The answer to Amos 3:3 is obviously ‘no’, two people can’t walk together in the same direction if they don’t agree to do so. Agreement is harmony, and harmony among individuals is achieved when two or more people are concerned with things like balance, sacrifice, compromise, and greater good. All of these lead us forward and upward in the blessings of God. Strife, discontent, pettiness, jealousy, envy, anger, belligerence, and resentment all cause regression and decline. That’s not us. The direction for all God’s children is always moving forward and upward.
Our brilliant Heavenly Father created laws that prevent us from ever going backwards. We can’t relive our pasts, we can’t carry them forward, and the destiny that God has set for all human beings requires us to continually and consistently look ahead. So, when we continue dabbling in anything that keeps us going backwards, we should know automatically that we’re moving in the wrong direction, and the only way forward is to change.
Regression isn’t an option for any child of God who wishes to live abundantly through Christ. This means that when we have baggage that weighs us down, and weighs down those we claim to love, we must get rid of it. God commands us in Ephesians 4:22-24(NLT), “22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God–truly righteous and holy.” Throwing off that old worn out baggage and putting on heaps of love and light through Christ is something we’re supposed to do before we get married, but many of us don’t.
Every believer has a sinful nature before we are born-again and receive the infilling of the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit comes to live inside us, we are transformed! That sinful nature no longer has a grip on us, so we should release it and let it go. 2Corinthians 5:17 says giving our lives to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, makes us a new person—a new creation in him. Our old life goes away, and a new life begins as we live through Jesus Christ every day. When individuals don’t pay attention to the example of love, light, and humility that our Blessed Redeemer left for us, they begin to lead their relationships through their own wills and standards. Things crumble and can do so quickly when that’s their approach. We don’t have a foundation without Christ. Nothing stands when we leave his example and standard of love out of the equation.
Jesus Christ teaches us in Matthew 7:24-27(NLT), “24 Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” This collapse was happening in Allen’s and Tiffany’s marriage. As things got worse, she belittled Allen, sometimes in front of his friends. He’d hold grudges against her for doing this, and he’d do so for a very long time. He began to dismiss her feelings, opinions, and efforts toward the marriage. As a couple, they lost respect for one another, and it was very painful to watch.
1Corinthians 3:11(NLT) tells us, “For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ.” He’s the Rock of Our Salvation, and nothing works the way it should, including marriage, without following and living by his teaching, example, and love. As men and women who live for Jesus, we can never allow the foundation of Christ to slip from underneath our marriages. It is our privilege and responsibility to build them on the foundation that he has laid. When we love God’s way, we will love our spouses as brothers and sisters in Christ first. This means that we honor them supremely and would never do anything to cause them harm because we recognize they belong to God and not to us.
Through his example, Jesus Christ teaches us that humility and obedience are required in our relationship with God, and we must understand that humility and sacrifice are required in a marital union. For these to be strengthened in us, we must be willing as men and women to decrease so that the Holy Spirit works through us to help us love our spouses in a way that pleases God. We can’t say anything we want to say or do anything we want to do in a marriage. We can’t dismiss the feelings of our spouses or make them feel unheard. Instead, we must change the way we think. We must pray for the heart of Christ to swell within us. When we do this, our marriages will be sustained through his love, as we remain thankful, humble, and dedicated to give God all the glory through our marital unions.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“When Your Spouse Dismisses You”, written by KLizzie, edited by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.