“Was I a fool for dating him for so many years?” This is a question we ask ourselves after we’ve been with the significant man in our lives for a long time, and the relationship isn’t yielding anything promising. We’ve either been in this situation or know women that have. They’ve dated a man for years, and given so much of themselves to that relationship, but with all their dedication, commitment, and loyalty, marriage isn’t on the horizon. This is a very hurtful thing to face. We’re hit with some realizations that we’ve avoided for the sake of maintaining the relationship. One of them is that no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we don’t need a piece of paper to prove his love, if we desire something real, that piece of paper is a symbol that can’t be overlooked.
Amos 3:3(NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” A relationship is strengthened by an agreement, and this agreement is a harmony that binds two people together. At the very least, the man should feel the same way about you as you feel about him. As those feelings of affection and devotion deepen, it should lead to something that honors God and is fulfilling and meaningful for both individuals. We should never think that God is pleased when we are not treated in a way that honors us in the way He has ordained in His Word. We’re His daughters, and he wants us to be treated well, and having a husband who loves and values us is a part of that equation.
Sometimes, when we give our best and it’s not reciprocated, we can be wounded deeply, like the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4. She was plagued with feelings of shame, insecurity, and self-doubt, and this caused her to go from man to man seeking to satisfy a void that only God could fill. As was the custom of many women that lived during that time, she came to draw water from a well in the hottest part of the day. As God would have it, Jesus was there, and he asked her for a drink. John 4:9-10(NLT) tells us, “9 The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” 10 Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”
Of course, Jesus Christ knew all about her pain and her sin, but he was concerned about her salvation and deliverance. He said to her in John 4:16-18(NLT), “16 Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. 17 “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband– 18 for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!” Our Master Jesus didn’t speak these words to the Samaritan woman to condemn her; he did it to cut through the lies, shame, heartbreak, and disappointment so that he could speak the deliverance of truth into her brokenness.
In Ephesians 5:25(NLT), God commands, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Marriage is extremely important, and we should never believe the lie that it isn’t. That piece of paper, a marriage license, is so important because among many other things, it’s a public declaration of a man’s commitment to honor a woman in the eyes of God. Every woman that loves God deserves to be honored in this way. So, we should never allow anyone to make us feel anything other than privileged and thankful that God has given us this beautiful institution.
Being consumed and distracted by the desires and lies of the world will only leave us seeking after an empty well. Only the Lord Jesus can give us living water that fills us up to such a degree that we will never be thirsty again. If you’re disappointed and hurt because the significant man in your life doesn’t want marriage, take it all to Jesus Christ. Don’t allow insecurity, doubt, and the fear of loneliness to blind your faith. God loves you and He wants you to be loved and honored because you’re His daughter. Do everything you can to increase your faith in this so that you only want what God wants for you. Then you will be determined to never accept anything less. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
“Seeking After an Empty Well”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.