“It’s still too early to tell, but I really like this guy I’m seeing…” Vanessa, a good friend I’ve known for many years, confided in me. Despite her hopefulness, she harbors a hint of pessimism, fearing that any man she meets might ultimately disappoint her, leaving her single and unmarried for yet another year.
Matthew 6:34 (ESV) advises us, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” However, convincing a 43-year-old single Christian woman not to be anxious about dating a new man can be met with skepticism. She may push back with words like, “Grrl! Do you know how long I’ve been single?” Yet, while we may think we know what’s best for us, God truly understands every aspect of our being, from head to toe. He knows all about our years of being single.
Older, more mature women often have a clear idea of the qualities they desire in a partner: financial stability, gainful employment, faithfulness, and readiness for marriage. On the other hand, younger Christian women tend to be more fearless, willing to take risks and chances in their dating lives. Despite these differences, both groups share one commonality: the belief that waiting for God’s approval yields the best outcomes in partnerships.
1John 4:19(NKJV) eloquently and plainly states: “We love Him because He first loved us.” God is love, and He has created everything out of His unwavering love for us all. Romans 5:5 tells us that God has poured His love into our lives through His precious Holy Spirit. We, then, must understand that love never originates from external sources because its true foundation lies within us through Jesus Christ. So, the first step in accepting love for oneself is surrendering to the love of Jesus. Loving him, making him Lord, is the greatest thing any of us can ever do in this life; it’s relinquishing control and entrusting our lives to the one who loved us first.
Romans 10:9-10 (NKJV) establishes this truth: “That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart, one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Over the years, I’ve encountered many single women hoping that the next man they meet will be “the one” to validate years of waiting. However, it’s crucial to recognize that it’s not someone else’s responsibility to shape and define the love we expect to receive. If we’re not accustomed to putting God first and loving ourselves and others through His love, distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy love becomes challenging. We then become a slave to feeling around in the dark, not truly knowing who’s going to hurt or hinder our hearts.
God offers us a better approach. He tells us in Philippians 4:6-7(NLT): “6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers is part of surrendering to God’s plan. It takes courage and strength to believe that God’s way is best. No human being is perfect; we all have room for growth, which is why partnering with someone requires that we are prepared with spiritual strength and the flexibility of God’s love.
Many are firm in their conviction, “I’ve been single long enough!” They believe it’s time for a change, and indeed it is. We must acknowledge that confronting our vulnerabilities and insecurities with faith is a mandate from God; we won’t get away from this. For some, it’s a fear of being perceived as inadequate or unlovable. Others of us simply haven’t made the kind of commitment to Him that God seeks. It all comes down to our faith in Him. It must grow. Embracing this truth should motivate us to greater love and dispel any doubt that God will bless us in life and marriage. ■
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
“I’ve Been Single Long Enough”, written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.