When loneliness makes you question whether obedience is worth the wait
Proverbs 4:26 (NLT) says, “Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.” There is something we need to understand when we are making decisions about our relationships: God expects us to use the wisdom and truth He has given us. I once heard a man ask a woman how long she would remain in a relationship without a marital commitment. She said she never puts a time limit on a relationship because she doesn’t want to put limitations on God. I understood what she meant. She was trying to leave room for God to work. But leaving room for God to work does not mean ignoring what He has already shown us.
There’s another question we have to ask long before the question of marriage comes up, and it is one we cannot afford to skip: Does God approve? We can spend so much time asking God to bless what we have already decided to do that we never stop to ask whether the relationship we have chosen lines up with His Word and Will. The fear of loneliness can make that question uncomfortable because sometimes we already know the answer.
What Have You Been Telling Yourself?
When you want your own way badly enough, your self-talk can become very creative. We can explain almost anything to ourselves when we are afraid of losing something we want. “He’s not ready yet.” “I don’t want to pressure him.” “Maybe God is working on him.” “At least I have somebody.” And before long, we have talked ourselves right past the standards we once said mattered to us.
The problem isn’t that God can’t handle our desires. He knows we want companionship. He knows there are nights when our homes feel too quiet and the thought of growing older without a husband can hurt. He knows the sadness that comes with wanting somebody to love you and not having that person in your life. But our sadness cannot become our decision-maker. God has given us free will, and He will not force us to choose obedience. We have to decide what we will permit into our lives. That means we have to be honest about what is really happening. Are we trusting God, or are we slowly lowering our standards because we are afraid obedience will leave us with nothing?
God Knows What You Need
Matthew 6:26 (NLT) gives us a beautiful picture of the Father’s care: “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” Jesus was reminding us that God is paying attention to things we cannot possibly manage on our own. If He cares for the birds, surely He cares about the woman who is wondering whether she will ever be loved, married, chosen, or cherished. Sometimes we become so focused on what we do not have that we overlook what God has already placed in our hands.
We look at somebody else’s marriage, somebody else’s family, somebody else’s life, and start feeling like we are behind. But you cannot build a peaceful life by constantly measuring it against somebody else’s. You have to learn to trust that God knows what is best for you. If the choices you keep making produce the same heartbreak, confusion, and disappointment year after year, then something may need to change. We cannot keep planting the same seeds and then act surprised when the same harvest shows up.
Don’t Let Loneliness Choose for You
If you have met someone, ask God if He approves of the relationship. Ask Him for the green light before you get so emotionally invested that you no longer want to hear the answer. This is where we have to be careful, because loneliness has a way of making a little attention feel like a whole lot of love. A man calls regularly, tells you that you are beautiful, makes you laugh, and suddenly you are willing to overlook the things you once said you would never accept. You start making excuses for behavior that should concern you. You begin compromising your convictions because you are afraid that standing firm will make him leave. But what if the thing you are afraid of losing is the very thing God is asking you to release? What if obedience does not cost you your blessing but protects you from accepting something that was never your blessing in the first place? It does not matter what you have seen other people tolerate and still get married. It does not matter what seems to be working for somebody else. You are responsible for what God has told you. A successful and fulfilling marriage is not built by ignoring God’s standards long enough to get to the altar.
Will You Trust Him With the Part You Cannot See?
This is where faith has to become real. Most of us can trust God when we can see where He is going. It is the waiting that gets us. It is the unanswered question. It is coming home to an empty house, watching another friend get married, attending another wedding, or wondering whether your opportunity has already passed. That kind of sadness can whisper, “Maybe this is all there is for you.” But Jesus asked a question that speaks directly to that fear: “Aren’t you far more valuable to Him than they are?” You are. Your value is not determined by whether a man has chosen you. Your future is not dependent on whether somebody decides he is ready. And God’s care for you does not disappear because you are still waiting for something you deeply desire.
Will God meet you in your sadness? Yes. But He may meet you there in a way that teaches you something loneliness never could—that you can trust Him without knowing the outcome. You do not have to compromise your convictions to prove that you believe God is good. You prove it by trusting Him when you cannot see what He is doing. The question is not whether God knows the answer. He does. The question is whether you will trust Him enough to let your obedience agree with what He already knows. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Will God Meet Me in My Sadness?”, written by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
