Dorothea lost her mother the middle of last year. I don’t know her personally, but all of us can imagine how truly devastating it is to lose a parent. Recently, within the span of three months, both her older sister and her son also died unexpectedly. An acquaintance of Dorothea’s phoned me last week with a question. She wanted to know what she could possibly say to comfort Dorothea in the wake of losing these precious family members whose deaths were so close together. She said to me, “To extend my deepest condolences doesn’t seem like enough. Everyone says this. I want to communicate something that will really show her how truly sorry I am.” I thought this was an incredibly thoughtful question to ask, and it also demonstrated her willingness to allow God’s love to really shine through in a very dark time in someone’s life.
We know that when it comes to our physical bodies, death is unavoidable. It is something that happens so often that some of us have a set response when it occurs. Because we’ve seen our parents, grandparents, and spiritual elders handle these difficult situations with grace and compassion, most of us are familiar with all the customary things to do. We also have to consider that there will be times when those things are not enough. There’s a void left in the person’s life that cannot be filled by the usual gestures, and it is also possible that some of these customs and traditions might leave an individual more wounded from the loss.
I’ve heard it said many times during someone’s death that God took them because He needed them in heaven. Heaven is packed with spiritual beings. It’s full of constant, wondrous, and purposeful activity. The bible tells us that there are thousands upon thousands of angels there. Not only this, but we serve a God that doesn’t need anything from anyone. In 1Corinthians 15:26, He calls death an enemy, and it is one that He would not use against His people. He doesn’t take from us. It’s His good pleasure to give to us. He is a loving Heavenly Father and wants us all to live long lives. Giving people that are grieving the impression that God has taken the lives of their loved ones will not ultimately bring them comfort.
Loss can leave a hole in our hearts, and it can be such an emotionally exhausting thing that a person can get lost in those feelings. As you reflect upon the person that is experiencing the loss, it is important to remember that the sadness of what they are going through can manifest in many ways. Aside from the emotional pain, it can affect a person’s physical and mental health; leaving them feeling completely depleted and at a loss about what to do about it. Jesus Christ has already told us that through him we can minister the same kind of comfort that he did when he walked the earth. This should be our goal.
Of course, the desire of our hearts is to do something that demonstrates our sympathy and caring, but we can also do something that will open a door for God to stop their suffering and rekindle within them a joy that they never thought they’d see again. I believe the sister that phoned me was being led to do this. What she felt was God calling out to her to be a conduit whereby He would ultimately remind Dorothea that trouble doesn’t last always. This sister, in some small way, would plant a seed in Dorothea that will later blossom into the joy that life still holds for her.
In ministering to others during their time of deep loss, this is one of the truths that causes us to be very helpful. We must remember that we are conduits whereby the joy of the Lord can impact a broken heart. Philippians 2:13(NLT) assures us, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” This is one of the most defining characteristics of God’s children. He works in us and through us; and it is His good pleasure to do so. We don’t have to wonder or speculate about whether or not God will speak to our hearts and impress upon our spirits what we must do. He absolutely will do this, and we can be confident of it.
As Christians, there is both a tangible and spiritual way to respond to someone who has lost a loved one, and the latter will always be the most important. Yes, we can and should do the tangible and thoughtful things like sending a card and flowers; and many of us will also bring food and beverages, because these are the things we’ve done traditionally. They are in most cases always needed, but we need to keep our hearts open to Heavenly Father for further direction as well. He might tell us to do something else that is very special, yet simple; and this will spearhead the work that He will do in the person’s life to restore their joy.
There are times during our prayers for the family that God will bring a memory or a vision to us. It will quickly flash across our mind’s eye. Some of us allow such things to slip by us, but this is very meaningful insight from Heavenly Father. It will help us to be a blessing in ways that we couldn’t have known. I’m reminded of an occasion when a niece was offered an opportunity to choose what she wanted of her deceased uncle’s things before they would be packed and donated. She felt led to ask for one of his flannel shirts and made a pillow from it to gift to her aunt. Her aunt told her that she could never know what it meant to receive such a gift. It reminded her of a time when her husband was happy and strong, and it had brought her such peace to receive it.
This was a lovely thing, and it is a privilege to be a blessing in these ways, but again, we must not forget the importance of our prayer and spiritual intercession. This is the most important aspect of being helpful. All of us would probably be surprised if we knew how few people are earnestly praying for a person that has experienced a loss. God has given us the honor and responsibility to invite Him into situations on the earth. This is one of the extraordinary effects of our prayers. James 5:16 (NLT) tells us, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” You would be floored by the many situations that have been made better simply by the word and faith of your prayers.
Only a blessing and anointing from God can administer the kind of healing that restores. Often we are the ones that pave the way for Him to be at work in a person’s life. So when we feel compelled to do more, we need to remember that we can have a spiritual impact through our prayers. Sometimes, it is enough to convey to a person that you are praying for them, and they are in your thoughts. Your words are enough when they have the strength of your conviction and faith in God behind them.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Pain of Death, The Joy of Life” written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2017. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.