She said she felt unloved at home. When her husband asked why she cheated on the marriage, this was her response. His name is Jeff, and he is what most of us would coin as the quintessential ‘good man’. He’s handsome, handy, and loves being at home. He’s kept a steady job for years and is sometimes generous to a fault. What is wrong with sister-girl? How could she let him go? It’s not as if good men like this are falling out of trees like leaves. They are a little challenging to find, don’t you think? And once you’re blessed to cross paths with someone that’s compatible and digs you too…WHAT!!! That’s a match, right? …not always!
See, this is the thing we have to be careful about. Everyone is looking for a soul-mate, someone that moves them so undeniably that they can’t envision living their lives without this person in it. Sometimes we meet someone, instantly feel a connection, and we’re convinced in our souls this person is the match we’ve been searching for. The problem a whole bunch of us run into is that we don’t always know our souls well enough to trust this feeling completely. We need the help of the Holy Spirit to determine if we’re making the right choice. Jesus informs us in John 16:13 that the Spirit guides us into all truth. Our souls don’t always tell the truth, so this verse isn’t referring to information we get from our souls. It’s referring to the truth that only Jesus Christ can give us.
In Psalm 51:10(ESV), David, the psalmist, prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” This is an attitude that moves us closer to God and prepares us for our destinies. Being single provides us with an opportunity to pray this prayer continually. It gives us the time we need to let Jesus Christ take the wheel, and to be patient with ourselves as we surrender it to him completely, so he can lead us where God wants us to go. The first stop is going to be our hearts. He will lead us inside our souls to see some things we perhaps have never seen. This will bring up feelings that were bottled up long ago, but sometimes we must confront the place inside our hearts where we feel unloved, and we must do this before we even meet the person we’ll ultimately marry.
If we don’t do this work before we get married, our expectations for marital partners will be unrealistic, because we expect them to love us in places where we don’t even love ourselves. If we in fact did love ourselves in these places, we would have allowed the love of Christ to do its perfect work in our souls. We’d have the spiritual maturity to wait for a green light from God. We could then proceed with a faith and confidence that helps us weather any storms that might come against our relationships in the future.
When God looks at a married couple, He sees one person. Marriage is His institution, and the covenant has His stamp on it. If God looks at the married couple this way, you and I have no other choice but to view partnership this way as well. When you look at your spouse, you will see yourself; and vice versa. Your spouse will sometimes mirror the best in you, as well as the worst in you. The worst in us of course is the reflection none of us want to see. If we’re not spiritually mature enough to handle it, the blame game begins, and our unloved place grows.
Psalm 34:18(NLT) tells us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” The Lord will be close to us when our hearts are broken and rescue us when we’re crushed from a relationship gone wrong, but He’d much rather rescue us before we make the wrong choices. We’re all born in sin. We will make mistakes, and we have things about ourselves that can cause us to sabotage meaningful relationships, but we must remember that God knows our futures. He knows that many of us feel unloved because we haven’t fully surrendered to Christ. He will help us address this and prevent us from getting hurt down the road. Let the Holy Spirit takeover your preparation for marriage. If you follow his guidance, he’ll help you surrender the things that hold you back so you can embrace His love, and let it propel you further. ■
English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Feeling Unloved” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.